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Wednesday, June 14th, 2006
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took my last final yesterday
i am officially done with school
i now have a degree in political science
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Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
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why is everything i do a complete fucking waste
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Monday, December 19th, 2005
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Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action, four or more, god just hates you.
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Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
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this was another long entry i wrote, then deleted after reading it. i dont even know why i still have this journal.
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Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
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despair
n 1: a state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out
badly; "they were rescued from despair at the last
minute" [syn: desperation]
2: the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn
out well [ant: hope]
v : abandon hope; give up hope; lose heart; "Don't despair--help
is on the way!" [ant: hope]
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Monday, November 7th, 2005
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nightmare
n 1: a situation resembling a terrifying dream [syn: incubus]
2: a terrifying or deeply upsetting dream
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Sunday, November 6th, 2005
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torture
n 1: extreme mental distress [syn: anguish, torment]
2: unbearable physical pain [syn: torment]
3: intense feelings of suffering; acute mental or physical
pain; "an agony of doubt"; "the torments of the damned"
[syn: agony, torment]
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Tuesday, November 1st, 2005
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| Time: | 9:53 pm. |
| Mood: |  sad. | | Music: | Vertical Horizon - Miracle. |
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i typed a bunch of stuff but i erased it.
its been a hard week.
i need a miracle.
but i now itll never come.
i dont know why i still dream.
its a lost cause.
one chance is all i ask.
one dream
one hope
one prayer
to the stars i sing my dreams in hope for a little harmony
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Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
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yea i know its been a while....
KP has been keeping me busy. 2 weeks ago me and justin ran the 2nd general meeting. and from what ive heard from everyone it was really good. so wew set the standard. last weekend was friendship games. we placed 2nd in the games. im glad we didnt come home empty handed. the club sucked tho. kinda killed my mood. but over all it was a long fun weekend.
school is going good i think. im making it to the majority of my classes. did well on my lasst midterm. my arthistory class is boring as hell. i always grab a newspaper, go to the bathroom, and take a 30 min poo right in the middle of lecture. if i didnt i would fall asleep in that class. so boring. my other class has alot of writing but at least it doesnt make me sleepy.
phsyical therapy is pretty painful. the weight excersizes dont bother me its the stretching. 2 people gang up against me to stretch my leg. jesus christ it hurts like hell. and im now going in 5 days a week. ouch ouch ouch.
my party life has been interesting. ive blacked out the last 4 weeks in a row. i dont know why but when i get really drunk i start chugging bottles. i hope this doesnt continue. i may have to stop drinking for awhile. but i cant this weekend coz its halloween. aye carumba.
ive had alot of things on my mind these last couple weeks. makes it hard to concentrate. the usual kinda stuff. sigh.
adios
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Friday, September 30th, 2005
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well school has started. the last week has been pretty crazy. weve put on a number of events due to KP kickoff week. and alot of tabling. im tired of waking up at 8. things have been going pretty good. alot of people are turning up to some of our events. that was my main concern. but so far so good. now we get to rest for a lil bit. everyones been stressing out. you can tell just by looking at them. but this is the first week. that was to be expected.
classes arent so bad so far. but then i havent even started reading yet. ill try not to fall to far behind this quarter.
my knee is still doing its thing. cant walk long distances without it hurting. and ive been getting a bunch of blisters on my feet. not cool. but at least i start physical therapy next week. and i have to start stretching out my knee which can really hurt sometimes.
now that the year has begun. lets see how this goes.
and so it begins...
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Thursday, September 15th, 2005
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well i guess it time for another update on my knee. its improved alot in the lasst 2 weeks. i decided to start pushing it and although it will really hurt some times i can now walk without cruthces. although i cant walk fast and i have to limp. but its so nice to be able to carry my own stuff in both hands. so it is getting better. but my knee looks really weird. ive lossed muscle and fat in that area so its looks smaller then my other knee and the bones stick out a bit. so i have to spend the rest of the year getting it in shape and stretching out my new acl. this is gonna be fun. not. but from here my knee should only get better. i hope.
im currently back in stockton. itll be my last weekend here until thanksgiving. so im trying to eat as much as possible. and hopefully there will be something to do this weekend. but this is stockton so im not gonna hold my breath.
yenno i always have alot to say when i decide to write in this thing but once i start i forget or just dont feel like typing it up. so cherrio!
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Friday, September 2nd, 2005
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well now its been over a month and im still on crutches. ive started forcing my self to walk. it is extremely difficult. i can do it but i cant move very fast. not too mention painful. i just wish i knew what to do about it. should i ignore the pain or rest when it starts hurting. god knows i dont wanna make it any worse then it already is.
last weekend was core retreat. i didnt really have much fun. all because of my knee. its put me in a really bad mood. i couldnt even go to the beach.
my knee has put me in a terrible mood. ive been dealing with it the whole year. its been a constant hinderence to what i wanna do. always hurting, giving out, and slipping. and now i cant even walk without crutches. that is alot of anger, frustration and depression to deal with. especially since it plays on one of my worst fears of being crippled. im really fucking sick of it. ive been home for a month and ive barely seen any of my friends. i cant hang out or do shit.
yesterday i did manage to play cards with my friends. that helped make me feel better.
i wanna get outta here and go hang out.
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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
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so ill still cant walk without crutches. all the feeling still hasnt returned to my knee. it still constantly hurts. this is really pissing me off. i was only supposed to be on crutches for 2 weeks and now its passed that. it doesnt seem to have improved much this week.
i dont know what else to say. its been a very boring week obviously. all ive done is read and play computer games. and since i finished the harry potter books im just stuck with games now.
i want to go back to SB
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i guess ive put this off long enough.
i spent most the weekends of july in SB. i had fun. drank partied hung out. all the good stuff. but i had to make regular trips back here. spent my Bday weekend here. i guess it wasnt so bad. i partied pretty hard sat nite with all the stockton peeps. good time. couldnt drink at all on my bday tho. had a lil bday dinner. not too many people showed up but i knew they had other things.
monday was the surgery. got sedated this time. spent the first couple days faded in and out of sleep. i had to take several drugs all of which made me drowsy. very wierd experience. i would be awake and in a few minutes slip straight into a dream. back and forth. kept losing track of time and such.
im still stuck in bed. hopefully in the morning when i take the bandages off ill be able to actually move around the house. spent my time sleeping reading and playing computer games. good thing i bought a few. finished the 5th harry potter book. i will start reading the new one soon.
and so the long journey of rehibilitaion will start soon. my goal is to perform tinikling next pcn. my stubborness will not let me give up.
the thing i hate about stockton is theres nothing to do so youre left with alot of time to think. and i think too much as it is.
i wanna go back to SB
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Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
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so i moved back to SB, sorta. but every week i have to come back here.
so i moved back whatever thursday that was. just played cards. friday im not sure what we did. prolly jus kicked it some where. i spent sat afternoon helping aikka move in with me. she and ivan got kicked outta there place so now theyre staying with me and gabe till we get our place at garden court. that really hurt my knee. doubled up on painkillers and tripped out for a bit. that nite was dexs party. seen people i havent seen in a while. it was fun. couldnt do much but sit and drink tho since my knee sucks. sunday jus chilled. had to come back to stockton on monday. doc, dentist, and car appointment to attend to. tue me matt a verlee were playing with fireworks and stuff. started throwing those poppers at each other. i popped one right on matts forehead HAHAHA. headed back to SB on wed.
thursday jus played cards. fri kicked it at reys. sat went to a couple parties. and came back here on monday for several more hours to spend wondering kaiser.
also on the first week back i found out when my next surgery is. aug. 1st. thats right the day after my bday. dont think ill be able to do much. i prolly wont even be able to spend that weekend in SB *sigh* my last 2 bdays there were really fun. all my bdays here pretty much sucked. my summer is pretty much ruined. in more ways then one.
maybe ive been praying to the wrong gods. maybe i really am just a bad person. maybe i just was never meant to be happy.
life is a constant struggle. but it would be nice to win a victory every once in awhile. but maybe thats just too much to ask.
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i got some bad news about our place thursday. those bastards gave it away to someone else so we wouldnt be able to movie in till august. i was really pissed. i really wanna go back to SB. but when i was talking to my friend today he said he need a subleaser for his roomate for about a month. perfect! so i get to go back this weekend afterall. yipee!
its nice to be back and see my family and friends. but its so boring and so hot. so im really glad to be heading back in a few days. looks like my summer isnt ruined after all.
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Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
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i had another appointment today. turns out i did tear my ACL and im gonna need it reconstructed. fucking shit. this is the last thing i needed. the surgery will prolly be sometime in august. it will take at least 6 months to fully recover. more likely 9 months and possibly an entire year. isnt that great. my whole last year at SB. as if these last 6 months havent been bad enough.
so yea for the last 6 months ive had a torn ACL. everything ive done as been with a torn ACL. and yes it freaking hurt. all the PCN practices and running and shit i did. i am kinda proud of myself for that. i pushed thru the pain. except of course those 2 times after the initial injury when i hurt it again doing tinikling. cant exactly push thru that when my knee swells up and becomes as stiff as a bored. but id like to think this says sumthin about my character that even when i face obstacles you can depend on my to give as much as i can.
so after all these months i finally understand what happened to my knee. when i landed on it my knee bent the wrong way a little bit. thats what tore the ACL and damaged the other half a dozen things in my knee. so when i tried to return to tinikling, even tho the other stuff may have healed, my torn ACL would give out after a little while, my knee would buckle, and re-injure the rest of my knee damaging the already injured or healed parts.
damn damn damn damn damn. yes im really pissed. its gonna be another painful 6 months and maybe even longer. just when you think life is kinda dull or cant get any worse. fate swings a bat at your head, or in this case my knee. but at least i can walk and drive without too much pain. but there goes my football scholarship and my hopes for winning the rose bowl. sigh.
and this isnt the only bad news ive recieved this week.
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damn ive fallen behind.
Pgrad was fricking awesome. a number of us drank before the ceremony. big surprise i know. we all go to give speeches and the video was off the hook. god damn it was fun. my mom cried when she put the stole around me. that nite we partied at F4. it was alot of fun. and paul and nina came down for pgrad. yipee.
yea i was pretty hungover the next day. i didnt realize why at first but then i remember i smoked a bit with ninas friends. my bro left that morning but i didnt mind since all i cared about was the pgrad ceremony. for dinner i went out with my parents at some place next to chilis. it was pretty good. then later i caught up with OJ who i havent seen in like 3 years. we jus kicked it at the zeta party. it was alrite but i would of rather jus drank with the homies.
sunday morning was my commencement. i didnt really want to go. me and ivan chugged a beer before we left for it. it was long and boring. oh well. i dont remember what we did that night but its prolly not important.
monday i spent most of the day packing and cleaning.
tue i came back to stockton. kicked it with the homies
wed. was another appointment. plaed some halo.
thu was a kickback at gabes. i was the first one to get there. they have a really nice house. i watched some stripper movie with his dad. soon gabe lynday and thu came. most everyone came pretty late so i was already drunk. all we really did was drink and eat.
fri i had to leave gabes place in the morning coz i had another appointment. later i got ready i headed over to mels place. the SB heads were already over there. we ate and drank and yada yada. the stockton people rolled up later. it was alot of fun. i got messed up. i passed out on the floor and everyone wrote on me. even mels mom. hahaha.
sat i had to recover. eventually jacque came over and we caravaned with some of the guys up too ivans party. we got lost coz ivan gave up bogus directions. but we found it eventually and got there in time to eat. his parents really went all out. it was nice. one funny thing we did was we gave a rose to ivan like it was his debut. hahaha. we even got him to sing i swear. everyone got pretty drunk at the party, some of them even jumped in the pool. jacque practically got naked. hahaha. i had to give her my shirt. then we all went to the house to chill. i didnt get much sleep coz justins snores wierd.
sunday said goodbye and came back home.
yesterday i had to wake up early. matt picked me up and dropped me off at kaiser. i was lying in bed for at least 2 hours waiting. then finally i got in, when the doc did the spinal he was a little off so a sharp pain went thru my right side. then he hit it right on and i started to lose feeling immediatly. i didnt get sedated coz i wanted to watch but i couldnt see much. after the surgery it took forever for my legs to regain feeling. and what really sucked is i had to go to the bathroom really bad. when i finally had some feeling back i made it to the bath room at let loose. thanks god i didnt mess my pants coz i couldnt feel a thing. my butt and my penis was the last to regain feeling. then matt picked me up and i got home.
i feel fine but its really hard to get around. i have to hop around since my house is so messy its hard to use crutches. but i manage. but damn am i so freaking bored.
well i think that pretty much raps it up. peace out yall
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yea i know ive been lagging. ill try to make this quick. i failed both my finals. not that it matters since ima be here another year anyways. i missed so much class that i just didnt go. didnt feel like stressin. so ive been drinking practically every day since last week. gotta celebrate yenno.
today is pgrad. my family and some of my firneds are coming. it should be fun.
i still dont have a place to live next year.
so much to do and so little time.
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Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
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wed was interesting. some of us went to zodos to drink. pretty mundane but on the way back we got pulled over by a cop. luckily we brought aikka along as a designated driver. even tho she didnt have her license on her the cops let her go since she was driving us drunks home. thats the first time ive ever seen a DD pay off.
thursday was the trolley ride. it was fun but i had alot of things on my mind so it was kinda hard to enjoy. but i did dance for a bit.
friday was the reel loud film festival. i only wanted to see my friends movie so instead of paying me and aikka snuck in during intermission. after that we came back to my place and tried to cook cornbeef and potatoes. it tasted like crap. hahaha. then we met up with everyone and drank at reys.
sat me row ivan and kenneth went to pomona to watch there pcn. i really enjoyed it. but i still think ours was much better.
didnt do much sunday except sit back and chill.
monday a number of us went to magic mountain. it was alot of fun. check the fotopages.
ive been going to the rec cen at a pretty regular basis. i wanta get in shape and strenghten up my knee before the surgey. hopefully that will lessen the rercovery time.
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dasaxmancan's journal
apathetic.
sleepy.
cheerful.
pissed off.
contemplative.
crazy.