SJC

done

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 04:03:38 GMT

took my last final yesterday

i am officially done with school

i now have a degree in political science

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 22:42:18 GMT

why is everything i do a complete fucking waste

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 03:24:51 GMT

Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action, four or more, god just hates you.

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 23:24:04 GMT

this was another long entry i wrote, then deleted after reading it. i dont even know why i still have this journal.

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 04:06:20 GMT

despair
n 1: a state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out
badly; "they were rescued from despair at the last
minute" [syn: desperation]
2: the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn
out well [ant: hope]
v : abandon hope; give up hope; lose heart; "Don't despair--help
is on the way!" [ant: hope]

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 03:57:39 GMT

nightmare
n 1: a situation resembling a terrifying dream [syn: incubus]
2: a terrifying or deeply upsetting dream

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 04:50:09 GMT

torture
n 1: extreme mental distress [syn: anguish, torment]
2: unbearable physical pain [syn: torment]
3: intense feelings of suffering; acute mental or physical
pain; "an agony of doubt"; "the torments of the damned"
[syn: agony, torment]

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 06:09:02 GMT

i typed a bunch of stuff but i erased it.

its been a hard week.

i need a miracle.

but i now itll never come.

i dont know why i still dream.

its a lost cause.

one chance is all i ask.

one dream
one hope
one prayer

to the stars i sing my dreams in hope for a little harmony

kp keeps me busy

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 18:26:15 GMT

yea i know its been a while....

KP has been keeping me busy. 2 weeks ago me and justin ran the 2nd general meeting. and from what ive heard from everyone it was really good. so wew set the standard. last weekend was friendship games. we placed 2nd in the games. im glad we didnt come home empty handed. the club sucked tho. kinda killed my mood. but over all it was a long fun weekend.

school is going good i think. im making it to the majority of my classes. did well on my lasst midterm. my arthistory class is boring as hell. i always grab a newspaper, go to the bathroom, and take a 30 min poo right in the middle of lecture. if i didnt i would fall asleep in that class. so boring. my other class has alot of writing but at least it doesnt make me sleepy.

phsyical therapy is pretty painful. the weight excersizes dont bother me its the stretching. 2 people gang up against me to stretch my leg. jesus christ it hurts like hell. and im now going in 5 days a week. ouch ouch ouch.

my party life has been interesting. ive blacked out the last 4 weeks in a row. i dont know why but when i get really drunk i start chugging bottles. i hope this doesnt continue. i may have to stop drinking for awhile. but i cant this weekend coz its halloween. aye carumba.

ive had alot of things on my mind these last couple weeks. makes it hard to concentrate. the usual kinda stuff. sigh.

adios

KP kickoff week

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 19:03:20 GMT

well school has started. the last week has been pretty crazy. weve put on a number of events due to KP kickoff week. and alot of tabling. im tired of waking up at 8. things have been going pretty good. alot of people are turning up to some of our events. that was my main concern. but so far so good. now we get to rest for a lil bit. everyones been stressing out. you can tell just by looking at them. but this is the first week. that was to be expected.

classes arent so bad so far. but then i havent even started reading yet. ill try not to fall to far behind this quarter.

my knee is still doing its thing. cant walk long distances without it hurting. and ive been getting a bunch of blisters on my feet. not cool. but at least i start physical therapy next week. and i have to start stretching out my knee which can really hurt sometimes.

now that the year has begun. lets see how this goes.

and so it begins...

summers coming to an end

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 07:28:45 GMT

well i guess it time for another update on my knee. its improved alot in the lasst 2 weeks. i decided to start pushing it and although it will really hurt some times i can now walk without cruthces. although i cant walk fast and i have to limp. but its so nice to be able to carry my own stuff in both hands. so it is getting better. but my knee looks really weird. ive lossed muscle and fat in that area so its looks smaller then my other knee and the bones stick out a bit. so i have to spend the rest of the year getting it in shape and stretching out my new acl. this is gonna be fun. not. but from here my knee should only get better. i hope.

im currently back in stockton. itll be my last weekend here until thanksgiving. so im trying to eat as much as possible. and hopefully there will be something to do this weekend. but this is stockton so im not gonna hold my breath.

yenno i always have alot to say when i decide to write in this thing but once i start i forget or just dont feel like typing it up. so cherrio!

my fucking knee

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 23:17:29 GMT

well now its been over a month and im still on crutches. ive started forcing my self to walk. it is extremely difficult. i can do it but i cant move very fast. not too mention painful. i just wish i knew what to do about it. should i ignore the pain or rest when it starts hurting. god knows i dont wanna make it any worse then it already is.

last weekend was core retreat. i didnt really have much fun. all because of my knee. its put me in a really bad mood. i couldnt even go to the beach.

my knee has put me in a terrible mood. ive been dealing with it the whole year. its been a constant hinderence to what i wanna do. always hurting, giving out, and slipping. and now i cant even walk without crutches. that is alot of anger, frustration and depression to deal with. especially since it plays on one of my worst fears of being crippled. im really fucking sick of it. ive been home for a month and ive barely seen any of my friends. i cant hang out or do shit.

yesterday i did manage to play cards with my friends. that helped make me feel better.

i wanna get outta here and go hang out.

The crippled life

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 23:19:26 GMT

so ill still cant walk without crutches. all the feeling still hasnt returned to my knee. it still constantly hurts. this is really pissing me off. i was only supposed to be on crutches for 2 weeks and now its passed that. it doesnt seem to have improved much this week.

i dont know what else to say. its been a very boring week obviously. all ive done is read and play computer games. and since i finished the harry potter books im just stuck with games now.

i want to go back to SB

stuck in a bed for awhile

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 07:35:21 GMT

i guess ive put this off long enough.

i spent most the weekends of july in SB. i had fun. drank partied hung out. all the good stuff. but i had to make regular trips back here. spent my Bday weekend here. i guess it wasnt so bad. i partied pretty hard sat nite with all the stockton peeps. good time. couldnt drink at all on my bday tho. had a lil bday dinner. not too many people showed up but i knew they had other things.

monday was the surgery. got sedated this time. spent the first couple days faded in and out of sleep. i had to take several drugs all of which made me drowsy. very wierd experience. i would be awake and in a few minutes slip straight into a dream. back and forth. kept losing track of time and such.

im still stuck in bed. hopefully in the morning when i take the bandages off ill be able to actually move around the house. spent my time sleeping reading and playing computer games. good thing i bought a few. finished the 5th harry potter book. i will start reading the new one soon.

and so the long journey of rehibilitaion will start soon. my goal is to perform tinikling next pcn. my stubborness will not let me give up.

the thing i hate about stockton is theres nothing to do so youre left with alot of time to think. and i think too much as it is.

i wanna go back to SB

back in SB, sorta

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 07:45:00 GMT

so i moved back to SB, sorta. but every week i have to come back here.

so i moved back whatever thursday that was. just played cards. friday im not sure what we did. prolly jus kicked it some where. i spent sat afternoon helping aikka move in with me. she and ivan got kicked outta there place so now theyre staying with me and gabe till we get our place at garden court. that really hurt my knee. doubled up on painkillers and tripped out for a bit. that nite was dexs party. seen people i havent seen in a while. it was fun. couldnt do much but sit and drink tho since my knee sucks. sunday jus chilled. had to come back to stockton on monday. doc, dentist, and car appointment to attend to. tue me matt a verlee were playing with fireworks and stuff. started throwing those poppers at each other. i popped one right on matts forehead HAHAHA. headed back to SB on wed.

thursday jus played cards. fri kicked it at reys. sat went to a couple parties. and came back here on monday for several more hours to spend wondering kaiser.

also on the first week back i found out when my next surgery is. aug. 1st. thats right the day after my bday. dont think ill be able to do much. i prolly wont even be able to spend that weekend in SB *sigh* my last 2 bdays there were really fun. all my bdays here pretty much sucked. my summer is pretty much ruined. in more ways then one.

maybe ive been praying to the wrong gods. maybe i really am just a bad person. maybe i just was never meant to be happy.

life is a constant struggle. but it would be nice to win a victory every once in awhile. but maybe thats just too much to ask.

I'm moving back to SB

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 02:55:07 GMT

i got some bad news about our place thursday. those bastards gave it away to someone else so we wouldnt be able to movie in till august. i was really pissed. i really wanna go back to SB. but when i was talking to my friend today he said he need a subleaser for his roomate for about a month. perfect! so i get to go back this weekend afterall. yipee!

its nice to be back and see my family and friends. but its so boring and so hot. so im really glad to be heading back in a few days. looks like my summer isnt ruined after all.

Bad news for my knee

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 00:57:34 GMT

i had another appointment today. turns out i did tear my ACL and im gonna need it reconstructed. fucking shit. this is the last thing i needed. the surgery will prolly be sometime in august. it will take at least 6 months to fully recover. more likely 9 months and possibly an entire year. isnt that great. my whole last year at SB. as if these last 6 months havent been bad enough.

so yea for the last 6 months ive had a torn ACL. everything ive done as been with a torn ACL. and yes it freaking hurt. all the PCN practices and running and shit i did. i am kinda proud of myself for that. i pushed thru the pain. except of course those 2 times after the initial injury when i hurt it again doing tinikling. cant exactly push thru that when my knee swells up and becomes as stiff as a bored. but id like to think this says sumthin about my character that even when i face obstacles you can depend on my to give as much as i can.

so after all these months i finally understand what happened to my knee. when i landed on it my knee bent the wrong way a little bit. thats what tore the ACL and damaged the other half a dozen things in my knee. so when i tried to return to tinikling, even tho the other stuff may have healed, my torn ACL would give out after a little while, my knee would buckle, and re-injure the rest of my knee damaging the already injured or healed parts.

damn damn damn damn damn. yes im really pissed. its gonna be another painful 6 months and maybe even longer. just when you think life is kinda dull or cant get any worse. fate swings a bat at your head, or in this case my knee. but at least i can walk and drive without too much pain. but there goes my football scholarship and my hopes for winning the rose bowl. sigh.

and this isnt the only bad news ive recieved this week.

Pgrad, grad parties, knee surgery

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 22:41:04 GMT

damn ive fallen behind.

Pgrad was fricking awesome. a number of us drank before the ceremony. big surprise i know. we all go to give speeches and the video was off the hook. god damn it was fun. my mom cried when she put the stole around me. that nite we partied at F4. it was alot of fun. and paul and nina came down for pgrad. yipee.

yea i was pretty hungover the next day. i didnt realize why at first but then i remember i smoked a bit with ninas friends. my bro left that morning but i didnt mind since all i cared about was the pgrad ceremony. for dinner i went out with my parents at some place next to chilis. it was pretty good. then later i caught up with OJ who i havent seen in like 3 years. we jus kicked it at the zeta party. it was alrite but i would of rather jus drank with the homies.

sunday morning was my commencement. i didnt really want to go. me and ivan chugged a beer before we left for it. it was long and boring. oh well. i dont remember what we did that night but its prolly not important.

monday i spent most of the day packing and cleaning.

tue i came back to stockton. kicked it with the homies

wed. was another appointment. plaed some halo.

thu was a kickback at gabes. i was the first one to get there. they have a really nice house. i watched some stripper movie with his dad. soon gabe lynday and thu came. most everyone came pretty late so i was already drunk. all we really did was drink and eat.

fri i had to leave gabes place in the morning coz i had another appointment. later i got ready i headed over to mels place. the SB heads were already over there. we ate and drank and yada yada. the stockton people rolled up later. it was alot of fun. i got messed up. i passed out on the floor and everyone wrote on me. even mels mom. hahaha.

sat i had to recover. eventually jacque came over and we caravaned with some of the guys up too ivans party. we got lost coz ivan gave up bogus directions. but we found it eventually and got there in time to eat. his parents really went all out. it was nice. one funny thing we did was we gave a rose to ivan like it was his debut. hahaha. we even got him to sing i swear. everyone got pretty drunk at the party, some of them even jumped in the pool. jacque practically got naked. hahaha. i had to give her my shirt. then we all went to the house to chill. i didnt get much sleep coz justins snores wierd.

sunday said goodbye and came back home.

yesterday i had to wake up early. matt picked me up and dropped me off at kaiser. i was lying in bed for at least 2 hours waiting. then finally i got in, when the doc did the spinal he was a little off so a sharp pain went thru my right side. then he hit it right on and i started to lose feeling immediatly. i didnt get sedated coz i wanted to watch but i couldnt see much. after the surgery it took forever for my legs to regain feeling. and what really sucked is i had to go to the bathroom really bad. when i finally had some feeling back i made it to the bath room at let loose. thanks god i didnt mess my pants coz i couldnt feel a thing. my butt and my penis was the last to regain feeling. then matt picked me up and i got home.

i feel fine but its really hard to get around. i have to hop around since my house is so messy its hard to use crutches. but i manage. but damn am i so freaking bored.

well i think that pretty much raps it up. peace out yall

end of the year

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 21:05:22 GMT

yea i know ive been lagging. ill try to make this quick. i failed both my finals. not that it matters since ima be here another year anyways. i missed so much class that i just didnt go. didnt feel like stressin. so ive been drinking practically every day since last week. gotta celebrate yenno.

today is pgrad. my family and some of my firneds are coming. it should be fun.

i still dont have a place to live next year.

so much to do and so little time.

memorial day weekend

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 18:32:55 GMT

wed was interesting. some of us went to zodos to drink. pretty mundane but on the way back we got pulled over by a cop. luckily we brought aikka along as a designated driver. even tho she didnt have her license on her the cops let her go since she was driving us drunks home. thats the first time ive ever seen a DD pay off.

thursday was the trolley ride. it was fun but i had alot of things on my mind so it was kinda hard to enjoy. but i did dance for a bit.

friday was the reel loud film festival. i only wanted to see my friends movie so instead of paying me and aikka snuck in during intermission. after that we came back to my place and tried to cook cornbeef and potatoes. it tasted like crap. hahaha. then we met up with everyone and drank at reys.

sat me row ivan and kenneth went to pomona to watch there pcn. i really enjoyed it. but i still think ours was much better.

didnt do much sunday except sit back and chill.

monday a number of us went to magic mountain. it was alot of fun. check the fotopages.

ive been going to the rec cen at a pretty regular basis. i wanta get in shape and strenghten up my knee before the surgey. hopefully that will lessen the rercovery time.

I'm on core

Tue, 24 May 2005 05:51:41 GMT

so this last wee we had elections and i won. im gonna be one of the historians for core next. cool. i pretty much drank everyday after that. wed i had to celebrate. thur i had to celebrate. thurs i had to celebrate and we had KP camping that nite. sat i had to celebrate and drink with paul since he passed by. and sunday was banquet so a drank a little that day too. so that was my week pretty much.

but honestly now that this year is coming to and end i feel like its been one big waste. hopefully next year will be better. i always say that and im always wrong. stay tuned.

i also managed to run more then 2 miles today without my knee hurting too much. yipee.

lazy dayz

Tue, 17 May 2005 05:50:38 GMT

yea i know ive been a little too lazy to update this.

i havent been to class in two weeks since i took the midterms. i really dont care if i pass or not. and i dont remember what i did two weekends ago. prolly nothing special anyways.

this weekend i got pretty wasted. sat nite we had a party at my place since i was mikes 21st bday. it was alot of fun. but then i was really sick most of sunday.

oh and i also played my sax at the KP talent show that nite. that was fun too. i played eye of the tiger with rey on the guitar and aikka acting like a boxer. fun fun fun.

alot more too say but too lazt too. goodnight

PCN is over

Mon, 02 May 2005 19:38:44 GMT

well its been a very busy week. we had practice everynite for god know how many hours. but for the first time in weeks i managed to make it to all of my classes. too bad i didnt get any reading done. now i have 2 midterms tomorrow. stressing time still isnt quite over.

and well PCN went pretty good. we sold out. over 800 people came to watch. wowzers. there were a number of messup but most of which were disguised really well. this show was even longer then last years.

and so ill go ver all the parts i was in. the opening anthems were good. paso doble went well. the scene i was in was excellent. even tho i did mess up a bit but now could tell. and when the gun shot went off you could hear people scream. vinta was awesome. right after that a bunch of us ran outside to jump for joy. then came mantones and makatod. both of which i know i did good. so it was a pretty good show all in all. it all came together.

after the show i stayed and helped clean up then walked home by myself and picked up food. then i met up with the guys to find a ride there. i drank quite a bit. most of the nite is a blur and i dont remember the end of it.

i was hungover most of the next day. that nite a bunch of us gathered at E3 to watch the raw video.

and so after all these months and late nite practicies. its finally over. what a joyous sadness its brings

california dreaming

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 19:33:35 GMT

so what did i do

well for 420 i smoked. got really high. didnt drink at all jus smoked. dont usually do that. and you can bet i missed my classes in the morning.

i dropped by the pcn table to chill. then had to go to campbell hall forever. till alomost midnight. no one was really in the mood to hang out after that. samething the next nite. didnt look like it was gonna be much of a weekend. but fortunatly we all got out sat nite. we went here and there but spent mot of the time at cheryls place singing karaoke and stuff. we were up till past 5 just trying to sing california dreaming. we did get 100. it was pretty fun. even tho we were singing it completely wrong but oh well. then me ivan cheryl and kirby went to dennys for breakfast. damn it tasted so good. my stomach hurt but i didnt wanna stop eating so i stuffed it all down. so i didnt get home till after 7 and then went to sleep.

unfortunatly i had super sunday practice at 9 30. damn i was exhausted. when i wasnt doing anything i spent most of my time in the car trying to rest and avoid the wind since my allergies were acting up. not a whole lot of fun.

my knee still hurts and im still stessing in stuff. man im hungry.

Its 5 oclock in the morning
And I still cant sleep
Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me
Weak...

maybe thats why i cant sleep

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 18:23:15 GMT

so lets recap

thursday i went back to tinikling and my knee gave out again. so now im out permanently. ive even lost some flexibility and occasionally my knee slips. i spent a few days walking around with a cane. not that i care. it prolly wont heal till the end of summer anyway.

this weekend was the same as usual. drink and smoke nothing big. but we did have a bbq on saturday. and we had another super sunday.

sunday nite i got a call from paul since he was stuck at the train station. i picked him up then we chilled at jacques place. we were hella reminicing about years past. its amazing what we remember. damn we had some good times.

fuck im hella stressing for some reason. goin thru all the symptoms. im not sure why tho. ive got it pretty easy this quarter. im not sure whats wrong. although this did happen when i graduated highschool and transfered outta delta. but the thing is im staying here another year so why am i stressing. maybe im really losing my mind.